Michelle from Illinois, USA

Topic: Emotional, Inner Healing
Date: 17th of May, 2001

On Tuesday, May 15, Denis and I spoke extensively on the phone -- He in Australia and I in Chicago -- about inner turmoil and external illness. Denis knows much of my personal history and realized immediately that I was my own worst enemy who retained a great amount of anger, bitterness, guilt, regret, heartache, loss, loneliness towards myself as well as others throughout my life.
Because of this retained -- blackness -- my physical health had deteriorated to such a degree that even getting up in the morning was beginning to be a strain -- on everyone around me. I can remember thinking at the time, that this was just a "pipe dream" and that there was no way to rid oneself of that emotional baggage so that life, real life, could truly begin fresh and renewed.
However dubious I was, I had experienced several very successful "healings" through Denis and was very willing to evoke the powers of love and life to accept whatever healing spirits he should channel.
As Denis began to speak to me... I answered that the past was pressing down so hard that the future had no chance. He agreed and continued to speak to me. It was soothing to hear his voice in the healing, asking little of me except to listen and do as he said. I did, and followed the spoken word.
It didn't take long before a soft light began to surround me, soothing and eliminating everything around except the sound of his voice. Without thinking the words began to weave their magic, drawing out memories of yesterday. The glow intensified as each little point of pain, of fear, of guilt was pursued by energies not of my own making. They were pulled out, fighting still, from the innermost part of my soul. Denis continued to speak to me and to my unconscious.
It got hot in the room .I felt the prickling stabs of anger piercing my flesh -- and I fought it. It hurt so very much. I was afraid again. It was just as I had been at the core. Why couldn't people just let me alone? Why couldn't they just stop hurting me? I just don't understand. These thoughts overwhelmed me as the hot lights changed color and intensified more deeply. It hurt so much to remember my yesterdays of abuse, of rape. It hurt to let go of the anger that was holding me hostage and yet, giving me purpose.
When it stopped, for a time, Denis asked me what I was feeling. I felt empty. There was nothing there but blackness, void of color, void of feeling, void of anything. He went for more. His words urged me to release even deeper feelings, to cry out for comfort, to plead for peace. It hurt so much more and I cried. When there were no more tears, I cried. When there was nothing, I cried. I cried for what was and could have been. I cried for time wasted in anger and fear. I cried.
It got cooler and the colors faded to lavender and shades of blue. I remember looking outside the window and seeing a world of colors so vibrant they almost hurt. I heard the children playing and couldn't help myself. I laughed. I smiled. Denis continued to speak and I answered. The world began to take a glorious form...and, yet I was still empty.
Denis spoke once more, telling me of a place where it was calm, where stress was unnecessary, where health was a reality. My soul took form once again and I began to feel myself and remember that past. This time, however, I was able to remember things in a more positive way. Pain wasn't always the case. My children didn't always reject me. I wasn't always abused or neglected. There were very strong urges for survival that were built upon good and positive energies.
These same strengths surrounded me even more as Denis continued to speak. Tears rolled down my face as I began to regain my senses. And it continued. The more I fought the end, the more Denis spoke. The more I fought letting go, the more Denis released. He was there in the beginning and he met me at the end. Throughout, he was the strength, the energy of healing.
Today, two days later, I find myself a more positive individual with needs, desires and strength. Yes, the world still has hateful and terrible things in it. It still contains thoughtless people who send negative energies everywhere they appear. However, this restructured life, has room for love and can unconditionally accept them where they are and not let them take me into their blackness.
I am emotionally a stronger person for having faced these demons of the past. They hurt me then, they hurt to let go. Now that they are no longer a part of my soul, I will be able to grow.
Denis is the only person to have seen the problems...to have achieved this purity.
I do not delude myself into thinking that all is perfect and that all will remain idealistic. There will still be problems to overcome and cruel and insensitive individuals around. Now, however, I have the strength to face them, deal with them in the true light...and, hopefully, become a better person for each experience. It is strength. It is good. It is life.